[Nugu love] In praise of… TREN-D and ‘Jeong’ (정)

Not all k-pop groups are created equal and not all achieve the fame and success they presumably hope to achieve. Most of these groups are shit, because most of everything is shit. Even mathematically speaking, 49.9% of all groups will be below average, because that’s how numbers work. However, some groups don’t make it despite being quite good, and one such group is TREN-D.

TREN-D don’t even have a wikipedia entry, that’s how little people cared about them. If you google their name, they don’t show up as the first entry.

‘TREN-D is a group and they do songs I guess idk lol’

Even K-Pop Wiki can barely muster a short paragraph about them, before presumably giving up and going back to furiously jerking off to those pictures of Girl’s Day dressed as police officers.

Oh brave new world that has such creatures in’t

TREN-D did one song, however, that rocks my tits off. That song is ‘Jeong’. Here it is – drink it in, friend. It always goes down smooth.

Jeong (curiously romanised by TREN-D’s agency as ‘Jung’) is actually a cover of a song from about a billion years ago (the 1990s) which sounds like dogshit today because Korean sound engineering in the Before Time was not exactly what one could describe as ‘any good at all.’

So, TREN-D, knowing that people like an old jam, took that song, stuck a rap in it because K-Pop absolutely must have a rap shoved into every song or else fuck you there is no escape, released their fancy MV with their funny skirts, and… sank without a trace.

Except, for some reason, in Russia. I don’t know why.

Google translate renders that first comment as “Of course, I do not understand what they were singing, but they fucking.”

The plot of (almost) every AOA music video ever

Short Hair – AOA try and do various jobs but they’re shit. They knuckle down, try hard, get a haircut, and then they win!

Omo fighting wa~

Heart Attack – AOA try and play lacrosse but they’re shit. They knuckle down, try hard, and then they win!

OMO fighting wa~!

Love Me – AOA try and drive racing cars but they’re shit. They knuckle down, try hard, and then they win!

OMO FIGHTING WA~~!

Wow War Tonight – AOA try and play like 7 sports but they’re shit. They knuckle down, try hard, and then they win!

OMO

FIGHTING

WA~

10/10 for originality, guys.

Thoughts on ‘Ring my Bell’ by Girl’s Day

The creative process

“What should we do for the video?”

“Shall we dye Sojin’s hair a tatty bleached blonde?”

“I like it, how about we style Hyeri so she looks fourteen years old?”

“Nice, but I feel like we’re missing something.”

“How about a black guy?”

Interpark are shit

They’re fucking shit.

[KCMF] GOD DAMN IT
[KCMF] INTERPARK IS SHIT
[KCMF] WHERE

[KCMF] WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN SEATS YOU CUNTS
[Lim] wtf

And then the final 2 seats (from a starting number of several hundred) sold out. Not once in 20 minutes, across 4 different web browsers and 3 machines, did I see anything on the seat map (which, by the way, was just a jpeg, clicking on it did fuck all) that was not white. I gazed upon a sea of white, and saw no seats, and then they sold out.

Fuck Interpark.

[Review] SISTAR(씨스타) ‘I Like That’

I’m going to get the obvious joke out of the way first – I like that. “Omo, Kimchi-Oppa you’re so original with your jokes,” I hear you say. First off, don’t say “Omo” or write it (unless you’re Korean) because you’re not Korean, shut up. Second, do call me Oppa

Brave Brothers (ft. Brave Brothers)

If Brave Brothers is just one man, why the plural? Is he a split personality a la Tyler Durden?

When Brave Brothers has his morning shit, does he say “Brave-uh Sound drop it” just before he lets rip?

Does Brave Brothers own shares in a company that manufactures airhorns?

If Brave Brothers met JYP, would they just keep saying their own names to each other in some sort of infinite feedback loop?

If he thought he could get away with it, would Brave Brothers release this with a straight face?

RIP 4Minute, 2009-2016 (Part 3: Bargaining, ‘Mirror, Mirror’ (거울아거울아))

I can’t figure out how to make ‘bargaining’ work within the thematic framework I rather stupidly set myself for this series of posts, so I’m bargaining with you now to just be chill about it, and try and imagine it’s there. See? Problem solved, motherfuckers.

Reddit user Taengoosundies requested we take a look at this one in our retrospective/obituary of 4Minute, and I can’t blame him because it is a FUCKING JAM and they all look hotter than the surface of the God damn sun in what I’d imagine were supremely uncomfortable and wildly impractical outfits.

[Review][Limpost] AOA 크림(CREAM) 질투 나요 BABY(I’m Jelly BABY): Super Mormon Aegyo Force

KCMF’s note: This was written by my Korean co-contributor Lim. I’ve done my best to retain the original spirit of his writing while cleaning up the English a little, but not too much, because you know what he means. I have also added my own notes and observations, as well as a lot of redactions.

Though nobody cared for their debut except for Ajussi fans who like to diddle doodle to 20 something girls wearing barbie doll dresses, I took quite an interest in this group who came out with a theme that’s somewhat WTF and kind of cutesy at the same time.

The Gospel of JYP and the theological underpinnings of masturbation and K-Pop

I see a lot of people on the Internet complaining about people ‘sexualising Idols’, as if Idols (male or female) are somehow pure, sexless creatures. This is all bullshit, of course, and the same people who say this:

Are often the same people who say this shit:

And as has been noted by Kpopalypse in the past, everyone likes looking at pretty people, male or female, and sometimes they touch their genitals while they do so. This is called ‘being human’, with the exception of asexual people, of course.

However, just because some sex-negative K-Pop fans (of both genders) take issue